she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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