it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
