I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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