And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
