Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
