Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
