I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
