party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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