Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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