I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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