so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
