worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
