Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
