I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
