I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
