Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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