3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
