i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
