all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
