My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
