1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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