you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
