I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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