I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
