Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
