Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
