Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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