Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
