I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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