I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
