I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
