Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
