it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
