i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize