Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
