so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
