My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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