My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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