I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
