I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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