Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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