She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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