After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
