There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
