just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
