What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
