drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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