Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hippo gnu deer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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