OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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