oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
