Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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