I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
