Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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