dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
