I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
