i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
