tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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