I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize