Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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