Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
