My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
