My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
