Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
