I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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