I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
