we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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