weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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