man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
