my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
