I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
