we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
