He kissed a someone with a penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I didn't notice because vodka
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
