Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
