Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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