forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
