Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize