RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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